Yesterday, a friend sent me an urgent message, asking if I could pick her up and
drive her home. She had been walking for an hour and estimated another hour to
get home. The roads were busy and she didn't want to get hit (it's dangerous to
walk in Houston due to the lack of sidewalks and fast-moving cars). I was
alarmed when I read the message. Although she often asks for my help, it's
usually about "Chinese" or "academics." Had something happened? Did she have a
fight with her husband? Regardless, I found her and drove her home. Thankfully,
she was fine, just tired from walking and wanted to chat with a friend. When we
got to her house, her husband came out to open the garage door for me.
Friend: "Have you had lunch yet?"
Me: "Yes, I have."
Friend: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yep."
Friend: "Thank you so much!"
Me: "No problem at all, bye!"
She got out of the car and I waved my hands, saying goodbye, not noticing anything amiss. While waiting at a red light, I received another message from her, but I only replied when I got home.
Friend: "I need to thank you again. My kids woke up 5 minutes after you left."
Me: "Maybe next time you can introduce me to your younger daughter!" (I've already met the older one.)
Friend: "Oh, that's why I was asking if you had lunch! My eldest is off school today and was just about to take her sister to meet you! My husband wanted to meet you too!"
So that was it! I felt a wave of embarrassment. Although I've known this friend for two years, exchanged gifts on special occasions, and occasionally chatted, I wasn't very familiar with her family situation. She tends to be private and cautious about personal relationships. We've maintained a certain distance: she's been to my place several times but never invited me to hers or even told me where she lives. The only family member I've met is her eldest daughter.
In my mind, I thought she preferred not to invite people into her home and was secretive about her address. I assumed it was best to just greet her husband from the car and leave. Plus, I genuinely had lunch already. It would have felt odd to say, "I've eaten, but can I come in?" However, in her mind, she might have thought, "I invited her in, but she refused and didn't even get out of the car. My kids and husband were all ready to greet her, and she just drove off..."
Of course, after clarifying things, we laughed it off and promised a proper visit next time. I told my friend that in Chinese culture, if someone wants to invite you in, they'd usually say directly, "Come in for some tea!" She mentioned Americans do the same but might use various other ways to extend the invitation. Although it might not be direct, the intention is clear. To prevent any future misunderstandings, she promised to teach me more about their cultural norms during our next meeting.
Friend: "Have you had lunch yet?"
Me: "Yes, I have."
Friend: "Are you sure?"
Me: "Yep."
Friend: "Thank you so much!"
Me: "No problem at all, bye!"
She got out of the car and I waved my hands, saying goodbye, not noticing anything amiss. While waiting at a red light, I received another message from her, but I only replied when I got home.
Friend: "I need to thank you again. My kids woke up 5 minutes after you left."
Me: "Maybe next time you can introduce me to your younger daughter!" (I've already met the older one.)
Friend: "Oh, that's why I was asking if you had lunch! My eldest is off school today and was just about to take her sister to meet you! My husband wanted to meet you too!"
So that was it! I felt a wave of embarrassment. Although I've known this friend for two years, exchanged gifts on special occasions, and occasionally chatted, I wasn't very familiar with her family situation. She tends to be private and cautious about personal relationships. We've maintained a certain distance: she's been to my place several times but never invited me to hers or even told me where she lives. The only family member I've met is her eldest daughter.
In my mind, I thought she preferred not to invite people into her home and was secretive about her address. I assumed it was best to just greet her husband from the car and leave. Plus, I genuinely had lunch already. It would have felt odd to say, "I've eaten, but can I come in?" However, in her mind, she might have thought, "I invited her in, but she refused and didn't even get out of the car. My kids and husband were all ready to greet her, and she just drove off..."
Of course, after clarifying things, we laughed it off and promised a proper visit next time. I told my friend that in Chinese culture, if someone wants to invite you in, they'd usually say directly, "Come in for some tea!" She mentioned Americans do the same but might use various other ways to extend the invitation. Although it might not be direct, the intention is clear. To prevent any future misunderstandings, she promised to teach me more about their cultural norms during our next meeting.
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